Killian's Inner Monologue
by fandoholic
Summary: Here he was, smack dab in the middle of the water that surrounded Neverland, with the bloody crocodile as his guest of honor and he was left wondering how he got here. Oh! that's right, he'd volunteered like a bloody fool. He should have taken the bean and left. He could be on some great new adventure right about now, or plundering a village, or having a lovely lass warming his bed
1. Heart of The Truest Believer Part I

Author's Note: Hi guys! I'm planning for this to have multiple chapters. It's meant to be chronological order, but I may not include every episode. The inspiration for this is based on my idea of who Killian is. He's someone who always seems to be thinking, and this how I imagine his thought process would go. He's an intelligent person, very calculating, and insightful. I'm hoping this isn't to unrealistic. Please leave a review, give this story a like and follow me through this journey through our beloved pirate's mind.

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Killian stood at the helm of his ship, lost in thought. The Jolly Roger groaned under the weight of his feet, water lapping lightly at the hull as it cut through the ocean, sailing straight into the heart of Neverland. Yes, Neverland, the one place he swore he'd never return. Still, it was a lovely night. Twinkling stars, the musty scent of sea in the air as _She_ rocked gently over the waves. He was at home here, at peace. In fact, he could almost imagine that it was like any other night at sea, if not for the incessant movement of his passengers. _They_ were _not_ at home here.

"Why are you slowing down? In case you didn't know, my son's _life_ is in danger _"_ _Oh, bloody hell here it goes._ Well, it was nice while it lasted.

Last time he'd checked he was the captain on this ship, and he knew what he was doing. He didn't need nor care for the Queen's questioning. He could do without the tone as well.

"Oh, I know my hotheaded queen. The plan is to bring us to the far side of the island, link up with the widest part of the river, and then we sail right through, take him by surprise"

"Greg Mendel said something funny to me. He said I was a villain and that villains don't get happy endings. You believe that"? _Did he?_ He certainly hoped not.

"I hope not, or we've wasted our lives". He was done with this uncomfortable conversation. As he turned his gaze towards Swan he again allowed his mind to wander, pondering the Queen's words. Could he? Was it even possible for someone like him?

Here he was, smack dab in the middle of the waters that surrounded the isle, with the bloody crocodile as his guest of honor and he was left wondering how he got here. Oh! that's right, he'd volunteered like a bloody fool. He should have taken the bean and left. He could be on some great new adventure right about now, or plundering a village, or having a lovely lass warming his bed. It'd certainly have been easier that way. Alas no. Had to try his hand at being one of the _heroes_. Was that even really possible? What did he really think he was going to gain from this? They'd never accept him anyways. He was just _the pirate_ to them. Then again, wasn't that the advantage of being known by a moniker. He wasn't Killian Jones, he was _Captain Hook_ scourge of the seas, feared (or adored, depending on his audience) by all. It made him untouchable, a legend rather than a person. In theory, nothing should be able to affect him. So, why did it?

It didn't really matter anyways, it was a one-time thing, he reminded himself. He was only here to pay on a debt he owed the late Baelfire, for his betrayal long ago. Finding his son Henry was just the decent thing to do. Still, it'd been a long time since he'd done anything decent, and if he was honest with himself he was unsure how to proceed. The _Un-Charmings_ weren't making it any easier with all their nonsense about hope and love and doing the right thing. How Emma managed to listen to their drivel day in and day out was a mystery, he almost had to applaud her for it. Well he would if he had two hands…but then again, he could still applaud, but it'd be a hook and a hand and there wouldn't be any sound…but that was beside the point.

He was pulled from his thoughts as the Crocodile, decked out in familiar garb, entered his line of vision. Well now he knew what he had been doing for the duration of their journey.

"Well that's a great use of our time. A wardrobe change".

Bloody Crocodile. The sound of his voice set his entire being on edge. In fact, his blood was boiling at the mere sight of him. What was the word for he was looking for? _Rage._

He only had one outfit and it had worked just fine for him. Great for all occasions. Besides, what if there had been some attack, or they needed to come up with a plan. The crocodile would have… _had_ been using that time changing into some flashy leather _thing_. Whatever it was, it was hideous, and not at all intimidating. How many _actual_ crocodiles had he killed to make that stupid thing? Probably a lot. It was just head to toe crocodile skin everything. At least it matched the man's crusty disgusting piss colored skin.

He didn't care to listen to whatever the crocodile said after that; he figured it was probably something condescending and generally grating to listen to. Perhaps he ought to run him through after all. It would really be doing everyone a favor to remove him from the equation now that he'd served his purpose in getting them there. They should throw a party, bow at his feet for eliminating the vermin. Belle probably wouldn't, but everyone else should. " _Hooray Hook you're our hero"_. It'd be glorious, if the lot of 'em weren't so bloody self-righteous. _Wonder if they can see me from way up on their high horse?_

"When have you ever taken a real leap of faith"

Well now that _was_ interesting. He didn't know a lot about Emma. Most of their meetings had been under less than ideal circumstances. He'd lied to her, deceived her, allowed her to be left to rot in the crocodile's cell. Then there had been the business of trying to kill her, and getting knocked out cold…damn him if he hadn't been turned on just a bit by that fire. Ooo she had looked delicious laying there underneath him…well now he'd lost his train of thought. Oh, right. Rumplestiltskin being a git. He could imagine it would be difficult to suddenly find out the bedtime stories you were told as a child were all real. Then to find out that you were the child of the most obnoxiously cheerful couple in all known history…he was back to wondering how she did it. Clearly, she didn't actually handle it well based on the clear tension between her and her parents. Either way, he'd have to tell her to ignore the crocodile, because he could already tell the lass was affected by the Dark one's words. Bastard.

Oh, and now he was leaving. Just _bloody brilliant_. He was just going to disappear with a big stupid flourish, leaving them all behind to fend for themselves. Typical. Leaving the cane behind too, nice touch, that.

This was going to be a long trip.


	2. Heart of the Truest Believer Part II

_Author's Note: I felt bad for taking so long to post, so here is what I have. It may change a bit in the future should I decide to make some edits. I haven't abandoned this work. Promise :)_

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He found her in his quarters. Doing…something. Perhaps trying to increase her arm strength? Whatever it was she sure did look good doing it. _I should probably announce my presence rather than standing here._

"Oh, don't stop on my account". _That'd do_.

"Wouldn't think of it".

"What are you doing"? It was amusing, watching her up there. She was clearly riled up about something.

"Getting ready for a fight". He wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. For one thing, it would take more than brute strength to win a fight. It took strategy, and considering that he had seen firsthand what Swan was capable of, _she_ knew it too. For another, she was a completely open book to him.

"I've never known you to need to get ready for a fight. I thought it was a natural state" He really hadn't set out to tease her when he'd first come looking for her, but she just made it too easy. She wasn't preparing for a fight at all. It had taken him all of two seconds to figure it out. This was about what the crocodile had said to her. It _had_ shaken her, but he knew she'd never admit it on her own, so he'd just have to do it for her.

"Don't let Rumplestiltskin get you down love".

"What do you want"? She was clearly deflecting, which meant his suspicions were correct. It was best not to push though. He _was_ actually here for a reason, to give her Baelfire's sword. He thought it might help in calming her nerves, and keep her from getting killed. That stopped him dead in his tracks. _Why do I care what happens to her anyways?_

"To give you something. You know Baelfire and I once spent a lot of time together". _Why am I telling her this?_ He didn't share intimate details about his life with…well anyone really.

"He was always Neal to me". He was going to choose to ignore that.

"Yeah. Right". What else was there really to say.

"This was his". The sword felt heavy in his palm. He almost didn't want to hand it over.

He gently placed it into Emma's hands. She could put it to good use. He…trusted her to keep it safe.

"I didn't realize you were sentimental". _I'm not_. It was instantaneous.

It was his turn to be defensive. He didn't like it when people saw through his own carefully constructed walls. It made him feel vulnerable. If she wasn't going to share anything, why should he?

"Yeah. Anyways I just thought you'd need it where we're going. To fight…"

He needed rum. He didn't like the direction this conversation was headed. He was still raw. He'd only just found out that day that Baelfire was dead, and he needed time to decide how he felt about it. It brought up things in his past that he didn't like to think about, inspired emotions he didn't want to deal with. Especially now when he was headed into a fight. There wasn't time for grieving.

"To…Neal"

"To Neal"

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 **Leave a review my friends. Working on part III, but may be skipping some bits and pieces. It'd be too long otherwise.**

 **UPDATE: To the jackass who reported me for copyright for "having too much of the original dialogue"...thanks, really appreciate that. It's supposed to be what Killian was THINKING during these conversations genius. I guess that wasn't clear enough from the title _Killian's Inner Monologue._ So now because of that I'll leave a nice obnoxious disclaimer on every entry**

 **IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW. I OWN NOTHING. ALL RIGHTS TO ABC. DIALOGUE FROM SCRIPTED EPISODES.**


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